I had a little inspiration from Pink in my iPod this morning.  I've talked before about that nasty little voice in your head that tells you that you're not good enough, you're too fat, ugly, a failure, etc., and about tuning into that and telling it to SHUT UP!  And that is all well and good, but once you've done that, then there is room for the voice that is kinder and gentler to you...the one we should be listening more too but that nasty one is sometimes so freakin' loud you can't hear it.  So start listening...and let that supportive, kind, gentle voice that is inside of you to get a little more say.

Two steps forward....

So I've finally started to see that there actually may be no end to the journey.  I take care of my body physically, I try to eat well so that is runs properly, I've started to accept my body the way that it is....but I certainly don't have it all figured out.  There are many sayings that try to teach us this: Life if a journey, Learn something new every day, Life's a dance you learn as you go.  Sorry, that last one is more of a country song than a saying, but you get the idea.  But even so, I think we try to "get it" it with the goal in mind that at some point, we will come to the end of the road and have it all down pat.

And while it may seem kinda obvious, it took me until now to realize that just isn't so.  I may always struggle with my self image.  There may be days that I still look in the mirror and call myself an ugly name.  Or obsess about what that scale might say.  Or wonder what would happen if I went a really strict diet...just for a little while.  But as long as I keep the path in sight, and remember that I am moving forward on it, then hopefully those issues will be just bumps in the road.

One of my favorite sayings is, "Two steps forward and one step back will still keeping you moving in the right direction."  It has really helped me along the way when I have "messed up" or had setbacks.  I think this  idea fits in really well with the words of Winston Churchill.  If you think of life as a journey, that you are on a path that is constantly improving and ascending, then yes, you may stumble along the way.  You may sometimes move backwards.  But as long as you take a couple extra steps forward and then fall back just a little, you're still heading in the right direction.

The first tattoo that I got is of a compass.  The reason I chose it was to remind myself to always keep moving forward.  When I got it, I think I was at the beginning of the realization.  It has been a couple of years since I got it, and sometimes I feel like I haven't come very far since then.  But I certainly have moved in the right direction.

So let's keep moving forward.  It's ok to look back and see how far you've come.  I think it is really important to remember what you had to go through to get to where you are today.  But then turn it back around and keep right on going.

Sarah :)

Problem Solving 101

  

There are a lot of problem solving techniques out there.  I've tried a few that haven't worked very well...sugary or carb loaded binges come to mind.  And sometimes, despite my best efforts, I still eat for emotional reasons. But I've discovered another problem solving technique....exercise.  You may have heard things like, "You're only one workout away from a good mood" or "Running is cheaper than therapy,"  so it might sound a bit cliche.  But I've found that it really does work.  Something happens to your mind while you are working your body.  Whether it is running or lifting, I find that a good workout can help me gain clarity on a problem that may have seemed a lot more complicated than it really was.   I've also found that if I go into a workout with a particularly worried mind, I tend to work harder.  I've gotten some of my toughest runs done when I'm especially angry about something!  

So I'm gonna keep it short and sweet today and leave you with one suggestion...the next time you're faced with a problem and you can't quite figure out what to do, hit the gym.  Or take a walk.  Go for a run.  Work up a sweat.  If you're anything like me, not only will you feel a lot better that you didn't just eat your problems worse, you may actually find a solution you hadn't thought of before.  

Sarah :) 

Risks

I've never been much of a risk taker - just ask my mom.  I always followed all the rules, colored inside all the lines, and kept a low profile.  I never danced in public because I was afraid of what other people would say.  I kept quiet in class because I didn't want to be noticed.  And for the most part, it has worked for me.  I did well in school, graduated from college, and got a good job.  But it has also held me back.  There are things that I think about that I wish I would have done but was too afraid.

I've come more out of my shell as I've gotten older, and I think that is pretty normal.  Heck, I'll even start dancing in public while I'm still (mostly) sober.  I've started asking myself, if I do this, what is the worst that could happen?  Someone is going to think I am a bad dancer?  Big deal - I probably am!  But why should that mean I have to sit on the sidelines?  But even in my thirties, this is difficult.

So when I started this blog, I did it quietly.  I wrote about 4 posts before I even told a soul I had done it.  And then I shared it with 2 friends I trusted completely.  And then my husband.  And that was it.   But I knew I was doing this for a reason...that my passion in life was not the paper pushing job I do 40 hours a week, but health and fitness.  That if I could go back and do it all over, I would take a different road.  I can't do that, and I can't quit the day job, but I decided I could still follow my heart.  And it came to a point where I knew that if I was going to do that, then I would have to put myself out there.  To take a risk.  So I did....I created a facebook page and asked people to like it.  It was really scary, but I asked myself again...what is the worst that could happen?   People won't like it?  Some may say it is dumb? Or wonder what the hell is she doing?  And again the answer is, yes, perhaps. But big deal!

If you're like me, and afraid to try new things or put yourself in a place where you're feeling vulnerable, look at the people around you who have already figured it out.  When I think about the people I know like that, I see happy, confident, carefree people.  They generally don't care what other people might think and will go out there and make things happen.  Sometimes you can get 'er done by cruising along quietly under the radar, but sometimes you've gotta take a big leap of faith and try things a new way.  That's what I'm doing; I'm not entirely sure where I am gonna land yet, but at least I won't regret always watching from the shore.

Sarah :)

To run...

It is a beautiful day outside and I have been cleaning all morning.  I took a rest day yesterday, and I know I want to get a run in today.  But I am struggling.  I know the first step is the hardest, and I am really fighting it for some reason.  I would normally go downstairs and run on my treadmill, but it is too gorgeous outside to slog away in my basement.  I also have a half marathon coming up in less than a month, so I really should go for a nice long run outside.  I've been doing a lot of strength training recently, but not as much running.  So I was sitting here poking around on Facebook and Pinterest, and I came across this pic....To run or not to run.  It was just the motivation I needed to get going.  So I am heading out...no excuse not to.  I've already wasted too much time writing this already....catch ya later.

Sarah :)

Here's to you....with love

I saw this online today and thought about how right on it is. It's something we can say out loud to ourselves or our friends, but it is really important to believe deep down.  This has been a real journey for me, and I finally feel like I am starting to cross over - to be OK with myself as I am.  I still work hard in the gym, and I love the feeling I get from doing that.  I love being strong.  But I DO NOT need to be skinnier.

When we judge ourselves primarily by our weight, we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  A day can be either made or broken based on what that scale says in the morning.  I know I have been there too many times to count.  If the number was "good", then I set out for the rest of my day feeling upbeat and accomplished.  If the number was "bad", then my mood was shot.  And let's not forget the name calling....fat, loser, ugly, etc.  We would never speak that way to a friend, but often we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves that way.  At some point I realized that I was in an abusive relationship with myself.  I would never let anyone call me a fat, ugly, loser.....so why can I do that to myself?

I do finally feel like I'm crossing over into a healthy place.  I wouldn't say I am totally there yet, but for once I can see that it is possible.  At first, the thought of letting go of all my rules about my diet, my weight, etc. was absolutely terrifying.  If I wasn't thin and on top of that, then what was I?  If I didn't control every last little thing, would everything spiral out of control?  As it turns out, easing up and learning to be kinder and gentler to myself did not cause my world to stop spinning.  I have slip ups along the way, but I do feel better most of the time.  I still weigh myself occasionally, but I smashed up the scale I had at home so that I can't obsess over that number anymore.

Listen to your inner voice...is it nice to you?  Does it forgive you for mistakes or does it expect you to be perfect? Does it give you compliments when you look in the mirror or put you down?  I had to spend a lot of time tuning into that voice.  And sometimes I had to actually tell her to shut the hell up.   Sometimes that nasty little voice still creeps into my mind.  I try to be aware of it and replace those thoughts with more positive ones.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.  Sometimes we have to be our own best friend.  And I, for one, know that I want a best friend who thinks I rock...because I totally do.

With love....
Sarah :)

Confessions of a Gym Class Dropout

This tank pretty much sums up my entire high school athletic career....

So yesterday marked my 8 year "fitness" anniversary.  I remember the day well...April 15, 2004.  I tried on my largest and most comfy jeans, and they didn't fit.  I had steadily put on weight my entire life and recently entered the "overweight" category.  I had never been one for working out, except for brief stints associated with going on a diet.  And I usually just ate large quantities of whatever I wanted.  It was no shock that I had started growing as an infant and never stopped, despite the fact that I was now in my twenties.  It was time to do something.  

I didn't turn into a fitness fanatic overnight.  I started out simply by walking.  In fact, I lost 20 pounds before I ever got the inclination to jog.   And over time, I did start to run a little bit.  Eventually I ran a 2 mile race, and then a 5K, and finally a couple of half marathons. It took a few years before I discovered strength training.  The first day that I tried to do a push up on my toes, I couldn't even get through one.  A friend invited me to a circuit style class, and I remember hanging from a low bar and having to pull myself up.  I couldn't do it - I was shocked at my complete lack of upper body strength.

Now, looking back, the girl who started by walking around her neighborhood everyday after work is almost unrecognizable to me.  It took awhile for me to appreciate how good it feels to work REALLY hard.  Now I can churn out a couple dozen push ups instead of one.  I can run for miles instead of minutes.  I got that tank top in the photo for Christmas this year.  And I love it because I really was that girl.  I dreaded gym class more than going to the dentist, and nobody ever wanted me on their team. But it is possible for the bookworm who never lifted anything heavier than a backpack to lift her own body weight.

I think we have a tendency to see ourselves in a certain way.  For the first 25 years of my life, I saw myself as the "smart" girl, but not as an athletic one.  Even after I started to get active, I would have never imagined myself as a runner.  But we are not destined to be only one or the other: smart or fit; a reader or a runner; a thinker or a lifter.   And we have the power to change how we see ourselves....

Sincerely,
The Girl Picked Last in Gym  :)