Here's to you....with love

I saw this online today and thought about how right on it is. It's something we can say out loud to ourselves or our friends, but it is really important to believe deep down.  This has been a real journey for me, and I finally feel like I am starting to cross over - to be OK with myself as I am.  I still work hard in the gym, and I love the feeling I get from doing that.  I love being strong.  But I DO NOT need to be skinnier.

When we judge ourselves primarily by our weight, we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  A day can be either made or broken based on what that scale says in the morning.  I know I have been there too many times to count.  If the number was "good", then I set out for the rest of my day feeling upbeat and accomplished.  If the number was "bad", then my mood was shot.  And let's not forget the name calling....fat, loser, ugly, etc.  We would never speak that way to a friend, but often we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves that way.  At some point I realized that I was in an abusive relationship with myself.  I would never let anyone call me a fat, ugly, loser.....so why can I do that to myself?

I do finally feel like I'm crossing over into a healthy place.  I wouldn't say I am totally there yet, but for once I can see that it is possible.  At first, the thought of letting go of all my rules about my diet, my weight, etc. was absolutely terrifying.  If I wasn't thin and on top of that, then what was I?  If I didn't control every last little thing, would everything spiral out of control?  As it turns out, easing up and learning to be kinder and gentler to myself did not cause my world to stop spinning.  I have slip ups along the way, but I do feel better most of the time.  I still weigh myself occasionally, but I smashed up the scale I had at home so that I can't obsess over that number anymore.

Listen to your inner voice...is it nice to you?  Does it forgive you for mistakes or does it expect you to be perfect? Does it give you compliments when you look in the mirror or put you down?  I had to spend a lot of time tuning into that voice.  And sometimes I had to actually tell her to shut the hell up.   Sometimes that nasty little voice still creeps into my mind.  I try to be aware of it and replace those thoughts with more positive ones.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.  Sometimes we have to be our own best friend.  And I, for one, know that I want a best friend who thinks I rock...because I totally do.

With love....
Sarah :)