Practice....

So last night I ran unexpectedly into a buffet.  I had already eaten dinner (several hours before), and I stopped at a friend's house for a drink.  I had been invited the week prior, but I forgot they were also hosting a birthday party for a friend of their daughter.  So I walked in and found myself face to face with a long table of food.  My first fleeting feeling was panic - I wasn't prepared for this! But then I took a breath and asked myself if I was hungry.  It had been a few hours since I had eaten, but I could honestly say I wasn't hungry.  So I didn't eat anything.  This is completely unprecedented.  And I even sat a table right next to the food.  And I have to say it felt really good.   Then they cut the birthday cake, and I thought briefly about whether or not I really, really, really, really wanted any.  I didn't.  So I didn't have any.  This might seem like no big deal to a person who know how to eat instinctively, but for me this was a major accomplishment.

Eating instinctively is something we are born knowing how to do.  A baby cries when she is hungry and will refuse to eat anymore when she is not.  A child will leave food on her plate when she is satisfied rather than stuff it down because it is there or she is feeling some other emotion.  Somewhere along the way we learn different habits.  Feeling bad?  Have some ice cream.  Celebrating?  Have some ice cream.  Over time, eating becomes so much more than a way to nourish our bodies.  And re-learning how to eat instinctively is no small task after years of eating for other reasons.  It takes a lot of practice and there are stumbling blocks and setbacks along the way.


This was really put to the test for me about a week or so ago. I weighed myself and had gained weight.  As I got upset about it, I could feel myself wanting to eat.  Something.  Anything.  Everything.  And even as I thought about this, I knew that "tomorrow" I would start a new diet.  I wanted to binge to feel better temporarily and then restrict just "for a little while" until I lost the weight I wanted.  Of course, neither of those things work.  Eating when you feel bad is such a short term solution that I generally already feel worse before I am even done eating.  Which, of course, leads me to just keep eating.  And restricting and trying to follow a strict diet just leads to trying to eventual "failure" and more bad feelings, and more binge eating.  But for me, and a lot of women, that has always been the status quo.  If you really stop to think about it, it is very sad that we treat ourselves this way.  But when this happened to me after I weighed myself, and I could feel myself wanting to react in the same way I always have, I stopped.  I thought about the workshops I've been taking long enough the disrupt the cycle just a little bit.  Since I'm still in the early stages of re-learning instinctive eating, it takes quite a lot of concious effort.  I wasn't entirely sure what to do, so I texted a friend that is in the workshop with me and really "gets" it.  It was enough to get me back on track and make choices I knew I would be happy about after the bad feelings had passed.  In the end, I didn't binge or start restricting the next morning.  And not only did I feel really proud of that choice right there in the moment, but it was another instance of really practicing the art of instinctive eating.  Which means that when I was faced with a buffet table last night, the choice not to binge because it was there and I was on sensory overload as just that much easier.

It takes time, and it takes practice.  Some days I still feel like it is just too much effort and I'd really just rather eat a bag of doritos.  But I really do believe that if I keep practicing, it will become easier.

Remember.....practice makes perfect better.

Sarah :)