To run...

It is a beautiful day outside and I have been cleaning all morning.  I took a rest day yesterday, and I know I want to get a run in today.  But I am struggling.  I know the first step is the hardest, and I am really fighting it for some reason.  I would normally go downstairs and run on my treadmill, but it is too gorgeous outside to slog away in my basement.  I also have a half marathon coming up in less than a month, so I really should go for a nice long run outside.  I've been doing a lot of strength training recently, but not as much running.  So I was sitting here poking around on Facebook and Pinterest, and I came across this pic....To run or not to run.  It was just the motivation I needed to get going.  So I am heading out...no excuse not to.  I've already wasted too much time writing this already....catch ya later.

Sarah :)

Here's to you....with love

I saw this online today and thought about how right on it is. It's something we can say out loud to ourselves or our friends, but it is really important to believe deep down.  This has been a real journey for me, and I finally feel like I am starting to cross over - to be OK with myself as I am.  I still work hard in the gym, and I love the feeling I get from doing that.  I love being strong.  But I DO NOT need to be skinnier.

When we judge ourselves primarily by our weight, we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  A day can be either made or broken based on what that scale says in the morning.  I know I have been there too many times to count.  If the number was "good", then I set out for the rest of my day feeling upbeat and accomplished.  If the number was "bad", then my mood was shot.  And let's not forget the name calling....fat, loser, ugly, etc.  We would never speak that way to a friend, but often we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves that way.  At some point I realized that I was in an abusive relationship with myself.  I would never let anyone call me a fat, ugly, loser.....so why can I do that to myself?

I do finally feel like I'm crossing over into a healthy place.  I wouldn't say I am totally there yet, but for once I can see that it is possible.  At first, the thought of letting go of all my rules about my diet, my weight, etc. was absolutely terrifying.  If I wasn't thin and on top of that, then what was I?  If I didn't control every last little thing, would everything spiral out of control?  As it turns out, easing up and learning to be kinder and gentler to myself did not cause my world to stop spinning.  I have slip ups along the way, but I do feel better most of the time.  I still weigh myself occasionally, but I smashed up the scale I had at home so that I can't obsess over that number anymore.

Listen to your inner voice...is it nice to you?  Does it forgive you for mistakes or does it expect you to be perfect? Does it give you compliments when you look in the mirror or put you down?  I had to spend a lot of time tuning into that voice.  And sometimes I had to actually tell her to shut the hell up.   Sometimes that nasty little voice still creeps into my mind.  I try to be aware of it and replace those thoughts with more positive ones.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.  Sometimes we have to be our own best friend.  And I, for one, know that I want a best friend who thinks I rock...because I totally do.

With love....
Sarah :)

Confessions of a Gym Class Dropout

This tank pretty much sums up my entire high school athletic career....

So yesterday marked my 8 year "fitness" anniversary.  I remember the day well...April 15, 2004.  I tried on my largest and most comfy jeans, and they didn't fit.  I had steadily put on weight my entire life and recently entered the "overweight" category.  I had never been one for working out, except for brief stints associated with going on a diet.  And I usually just ate large quantities of whatever I wanted.  It was no shock that I had started growing as an infant and never stopped, despite the fact that I was now in my twenties.  It was time to do something.  

I didn't turn into a fitness fanatic overnight.  I started out simply by walking.  In fact, I lost 20 pounds before I ever got the inclination to jog.   And over time, I did start to run a little bit.  Eventually I ran a 2 mile race, and then a 5K, and finally a couple of half marathons. It took a few years before I discovered strength training.  The first day that I tried to do a push up on my toes, I couldn't even get through one.  A friend invited me to a circuit style class, and I remember hanging from a low bar and having to pull myself up.  I couldn't do it - I was shocked at my complete lack of upper body strength.

Now, looking back, the girl who started by walking around her neighborhood everyday after work is almost unrecognizable to me.  It took awhile for me to appreciate how good it feels to work REALLY hard.  Now I can churn out a couple dozen push ups instead of one.  I can run for miles instead of minutes.  I got that tank top in the photo for Christmas this year.  And I love it because I really was that girl.  I dreaded gym class more than going to the dentist, and nobody ever wanted me on their team. But it is possible for the bookworm who never lifted anything heavier than a backpack to lift her own body weight.

I think we have a tendency to see ourselves in a certain way.  For the first 25 years of my life, I saw myself as the "smart" girl, but not as an athletic one.  Even after I started to get active, I would have never imagined myself as a runner.  But we are not destined to be only one or the other: smart or fit; a reader or a runner; a thinker or a lifter.   And we have the power to change how we see ourselves....

Sincerely,
The Girl Picked Last in Gym  :)

No excuses....

So this is a follow up to a previous post about struggling with my morning workouts.  I am coming off of a really good week.  I made it to the gym before work all 4 days that I wanted to this week.  I felt especially good about Friday.  We went over to a friend's house on Thursday night and I didn't get home until about 10:30.  I usually like to be in bed before 10:00 if I'm gonna hit the gym at 5:00 AM.  So my recent M.O. has been to sleep through my workout and do it in the afternoon.  I hate that because by then I have other stuff I really would rather be doing.  Plus, we had dinner plans, so it could have been done, but it would have been tough.  So I got up and did my workout anyway.  And wouldn't you know, it wasn't that bad!  Once I was up and moving, I felt just fine.

When my alarm went off, I did my regular mental check to determine if I was gonna go ahead and go to the gym or just keep sleeping.  I really did want to sleep longer, but the thought of going to the gym after work was even less appealing.  I missed a workout a couple of weeks ago and hit the gym after dinner - about 6:00 PM, and can honestly say if I never do that again it is fine by me. At 5:00 AM, the gym is a quiet place with a few other early morning peeps.  Cool.  At 6:00 PM, there were people everywhere.  I barely got on a cardio machine to warm up, and then I had to wait around for the equipment I wanted to use.  Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that.  I firmly believe the best time to workout is the time that you will actually do it.  So if after work is the only time that you can make happen, then go for it.  And some people like the energy of a full gym.  Again, nothing wrong with that.  For myself, I like having it kinda to myself.  So when I was running through the pros and cons of working out or sleeping in, the vision of that packed gym ran through my head.  And so I got up.  And I am really glad I did.

I felt like my former self this week.  Morning workouts come hell or high water!  No excuses!  And I made it happen.  We have the power to do that - WE decide if we are going to put forth the effort or crawl back into bed.   And we live with the consequences.  There is a saying: If you want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.  I really believe this.  And I have been guilty of finding my share of excuses along the way.   So when you come to the point where you need to make a decision, dig deep and determine if you really want it.  If you do, then use whatever resources you have at your disposal to make it happen - whether it is remembering how good you feel after a morning workout, how much you HATE going to the gym after work, or both - make it happen.  It is absolutely worth it - I promise.

Sarah :)